


The High Road

by tackypanda



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Happy Shrios, Nobody dies I swear, Renegade Shep gradually becomes more Paragon, Shepard is bad at feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-08
Updated: 2013-11-08
Packaged: 2017-12-31 20:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1036194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tackypanda/pseuds/tackypanda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As a hardcore renegade, Shepard feels no guilt over her actions - until the day she does, over something relatively insignificant. Apologizing is enough of a challenge, apologizing to a drell who's done more bad than good himself is a whole other issue. But once she finally strangles it out, well, she finds she kind of likes being good. And if there is ever a time for her to start atoning for her past actions, it's now. Fluffy Shrios One-Shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The High Road

**Author's Note:**

> So I finished this fic in under 24 hours, the fastest I've ever written anything complete. Surprisingly, it's about one of the last pairings I thought I'd ever write fic for. Hot damn. This isn't your typical Shrios fic; mostly because it's not sad (at least not in my opinion) and Thane's death isn't really a part of it as it focuses more on how the relationship changes Shepard over the course of Mass Effect 2. Anyway, please enjoy!

Shepard hovered uncomfortably by the Men's Restroom, glaring holes into the Life Support door just across from her. She had much more pressing matters to attend to; Dr. Solus was just escorted to the Tech Lab, and if the frantic way he had burned through all his thoughts and concerns in the brief conversation they'd had was any indication, she felt compelled to check if he'd already made a mess of everything. Yet, she was down in the Crews' Quarters, the pungent aroma of Gardner's cooking doing little to revive her lack of appetite (somehow, the sight of dead, plagued bodies disgusted her more than that of those with clips in their heads ever could). Still, the mission on Omega had been a success; her and her squad took out all the Blue Suns and Blood Pack mercs in the district, the cure was successfully distributed, and managed to get the professor to join the cause all while leaving the clinic able to run thanks to her saving his assistant from a couple of Batarian bastards. Of course, there was one...well, mishap.

It had been established – several times in the space of one conversation, in fact – that the plague affected all species except humans and vorcha. Jack was in her squad already, so her health wouldn't pose a problem. And then there was Thane, who was already dying from a damn disease. He voiced his concern, of course; as eager as he seemed to go out in a blaze of glory on this suicide mission, he wasn't reckless about it (and dying from two diseases certainly wasn't pleasant nor was it awesome). They could have easily gone back to the Normandy and replaced him with any of the  _four_  other humans she had at her disposal, but it hadn't even taken her two seconds before she insisted that he stay. She had taken him on her last few missions; he was an excellent sniper and his biotics complimented her own surprisingly well. At least, that was what she ended up telling herself to reason through why she insisted on taking him inside. He had complied with her wishes, yes, but she was sure it didn't take him long to resent her for it, especially when he said that his bones started to ache.

Shepard hated complainers, always had, and if it had been anyone else – except Garrus, maybe – she would bark at them suck it up and shut up. This time, however, she stayed quiet, silenced by an uneasy feeling creeping into her gut that she hadn't experienced since after watching Ashley gun down Wrex on Virmire. It took a  _lot_  for her to feel guilty. She felt none for killing the Rachni Queen, none for killing all the brainwashed colonists on Zhu's Hope, none for letting the Council die, none for being so racist and aggressive towards other species, and especially none for choosing Kaidan over Ashley. Her actions on Torfan caused here a few sleepless nights here and there, but nothing of note; at least not by her standards. Compared to all the gargantuan choice she'd had to make since first serving on the Normandy, this was pretty insignificant. So why was it affecting her so much? Why did she have this unshakable feeling of dread weighing her down throughout the mission until Mordin managed to cure him?  _Why was it still bugging her now?_

So despite all she had to do, that's why she was here; perhaps if she faced the problem and conquered it, she could devote her full attention back to obliterating the Collectors. If she was being completely honest with herself, however, she would have rather been taking her chances with the Omega-4 Relay right then. That seemed easier than apologizing. She was a person who stood behind every one of her decisions, as amoral as they might have been, so she never apologized for them, not even to her superiors. Yet the words were now bubbling under her tongue, just waiting to gush out at the sight of the man. Before her actions could register in her brain, she marched into Life Support, made a motion to take the seat opposite the drell, but instead began to pace in front of the window to the drive core.

It took him a few moments for him to acknowledge her – either he had been so deep into his meditations until then, or he liked seeing her so frustrated. He wasn't the type for the latter, but then again, she still didn't know him that well. "Is something amiss, Shepard?"

She huffed. "Look. It...I wasn't..." She pressed her lips into a tight line. Well, this was going to take a while. Catching sight of his unnerving bug eyes watching her made her even more uneasy.

He rested his arms on the table. "Take your time, if you wish."

 _Are you kidding me_ , she couldn't help but think. Perhaps he was being snarky with her, mocking her inability to express her feelings or even to have feelings. ...Oh of course he wasn't, he would never; she was just looking for any reason she could to stay frustrated and never say sorry. She quickly lowered herself into the seat and clasped her hands together, bracing herself. "I...apologize for forcing you to go into the plagued district." She was prepared to stop, but feelings she wasn't even aware she had began to spill out without her permission. "Of all the members on my team, you were the one I shouldn't even have considered bringing with me there, and I'm sorry I made you suffer more than you already are."

The silence that followed was unbearably awkward. Now that what had been bothering her was out there, she felt even worse, and somewhat nauseous. Why did she think it was a good idea to let her crew members know she was capable of regretting her usually set-in-stone decisions?

Thane blinked, and unless she was mistaken, she thought she saw his brow quirk for a second. "There is no need to apologize, Shepard. I gave my body to you and your mission fully; if you have need of me, no matter the circumstance, I will fight. As I told you before, my ailment has not and will not affect my ability to get what ever tasks you assign me done." His expression softened, and he looked away from her for a moment. "Still, I...appreciate the intention, nevertheless."

The tension and queasiness went away like that. Shepard pursed her lips, unexpectedly stunned for a few moments, before nodding and standing back up. "Ahh. Good. Glad that's resolved." She cleared her throat and put on her best authoritative expression. "We still have to pick up the Krogan warlord, so I'm counting on you to be at your best when you accompany me to Korlus."

She could have sworn she saw the hint of a smile on his lips. "Of course. If you don't mind, I would like some time to finish my meditations before we reach the planet."

Shepard was beyond grateful for the invitation to leave, so she nodded again and had to stop herself from sprinting to the doors. But just as they opened, she couldn't help but turn around and watch him. He was so still, so deep in thought, so  _calm_. Attempting to do good after a lifetime of amoral actions was bringing him peace. She had to admit, even thought bringing herself to apologize to him was a battle all in itself, the pay off was a feeling of satisfaction and refreshment that made her more at ease than she had been in a while – although that wasn't saying much. She found she wanted to do good things like this more often – not often enough so that the crew wouldn't think she was going soft, but sometimes.

* * *

The opportunity to make a moral decision came sooner than she thought, when she came upon the first tank-bred Krogan on her way to Okeer. It wasn't hostile, and more than that it aided her in picking off the Blue Suns and cleared the way for her to advance, but she would have gunned down the creature regardless after it exhausted its use to her. This time she kept all her guns holstered and even asked him if he would help show her the way. When he refused and left her stunned with stunned with his parting words, she almost felt sympathetic. Thane was well-aware of her violent tendencies from the short time he'd served with her, but she could have sworn he gave her a slight nod as the tank-bred walked off. And that made her feel even better.

As the mission progressed, guilt became a feeling she grew to know well. However, she couldn't apologize to Ashley, the Rachni, the soldiers she butchered on Torfan, or all the Batarians she killed and mistreated because of a festering hatred for something one group did to her home so long ago. Like Thane, she atoned; helped him reunite with his son, saved Tali from exile while avoiding shaming her father, prevented Garrus from turning into, well, her in pursuit of his own revenge, and derailed Zaeed's own quest for vengeance as well in favor of saving innocent people. She was kinder, although still harsh when need be, and soon enough her surgical scars faded and her eyes reverted from their soulless, glowing red back to their natural jade green. For once, she was proud to let others see that she was capable of doing good.

In the beginning, it seemed silly to think that this was all due to the influence of one man with whom she never thought she would develop more than a cold, professional relationship with. Then it grew less silly and more appropriate, especially when going to see him between missions, and then even when both of them should have been sleeping or talking with others, became habitual. He told her everything about his life and his thoughts and she did the same. She took him on every mission, trained with him, did what little she could to help him suffer less through his Kepral's. She grew to love an alien, and she thanked whatever higher power that was out there that she had never bet against that happening. Before, she would have repressed every unwanted feeling about him and take out her frusration on him. Although she would feel sympathy for the loss of his wife, for Shepard knew all too well what it was like to have her family slaughtered, she would only be able to take so much of him talking about her before she would have to find a way to shut him up.

That thought came to mind in the limited amount of time on the way to the Omega-4 Relay, wearing nothing but bed sheets and resting in Thane's lean arms. She couldn't help but laugh about it. Part of it was just the hallucinogens from such rigorous contact with a drell, of course, but thinking of how she used to be was both sad and amusing on its own. That, and laughing seemed to help distract her from the insatiable itching of the rashes his scales had left on her skin.

"Do I amuse you, siha?" There was a smile in his voice, not to mention that it was even huskier than normal. His breath stirred her hair as he kissed the top of her head and then her ear. She reached up and stroked the side of his throat with the back of her hand, taking her time to admire the texture of every scale and frill.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For..." She may have changed, but putting feelings into words was as hard as ever, "Being a good influence on me." She kissed his chest twice, one over each lung. "I don't mean to sound like I'm blowing my own horn, but making me nicer may have been your greatest karma cleanser ever, and you may not get to do something so grand ever again." She grinned up at him cheekily.

He chuckled, making her shudder, and ran a hand down the side of her body. "I did nothing. You evolved all on your own, and you are and the rest of us are stronger for it."

She place a hand on the back of his neck and pulled him in for a deep, desperate kiss. "Fine, I'll take all the credit. But you know, maybe it was a good thing I dragged you into the quarantine. If I didn't, we'd both be spending tonight alone."

He gently brushed back some loose strands of hair that had fallen into her face, and just gazed at her. Shepard saw a wider spectrum of emotions in his somber eyes than in those of anyone else she knew, and looking into them frightened her sometimes; they had seen too much, held too much, promised too much. Despite that, they were so full of faith, an emotion she hadn't seen in them until tonight. It was almost enough for her to feel ready to face tonight. She had to muster up the rest herself.

Not long after, they had to untangle themselves from each other, suit up, and she had to give the orders. The ship made it through the relay relatively unscathed, and even though she had to split everyone up while infiltrating the base, she kept him at her side the entire time. She wanted to keep everyone alive, for once, but if he was going to die, he damn well better not do it out of her sight.

But he didn't. She didn't. No one did. For the first time, she saved everyone and only killed those that deserved to die. She told Cerberus to screw themselves and flew off into the stars. Tomorrow she'd have both them and the Alliance on her ass, and tomorrow she would have to start saying goodbye to the crew she had grown to care for, exceeding her own expectations of what she could feel. But tonight, she would drink with her friends, buy some more alone time with Thane, and revel in surviving. She was going to celebrate being the big good for once, never feeling more worthy of being Commander Shepard.


End file.
